By Romina Afghan
I want so badly for you to choose me, Yaa Rabbee- I want to be special to You. I want to stand out amongst the billions of Your worshippers and millions of Your beloved. I want to be the shining star, the glowing light, the humbled and the raised at the same time.
I don’t deserve it. I haven’t earned it. But You know that in my heart I want it. You are not bound in Your generosity and Love by what a weak slave like me deserves or has earned- You Give to whoever You want because of Who You are, and so I ask of You because of Who you are – The Generous, The Kind, The One Who Overlooks the faults of His servants- and not because of who or what I am.
I want You to choose me for Your Work, Yaa Rabb. I want You to choose me to help your beloved slaves become better worshippers of You. I want You to choose me to carry Your beautiful Words in my heart, choose me to make them flow like the purest honey from my tongue, choose me to give them life through the actions of my limbs. I want you to choose me to be a vessel of your guidance.
I want You to choose me to help children grow, to help them be confident and inspired to change the world for the better, purely for your Sake. I want you to choose me to heal those who are broken and hurt. I want You to choose me to be a caller to goodness and truth and Your Path. I want You to choose me to do it though my words and my example and I want You to choose me to be an example of Your Love, Forgiveness and Mercy just like Your Habeeb Muhammad sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallaam was.
I want You to choose me to guide my family, my neighbours, and every one of your creation that You have destined to come into my path. I want You to choose me to help bring families and hearts back together, O The One who loves those who heal rifts and join hearts, just so You can love me.
I want You to choose me. I want You to love me. I want to be special to You, Yaa Allaah, Yaa Rabbee, Yaa Lateef ( The Most Subtle and Caring), Yaa Wahhaab ( The Giver of Gifts).
I beg You and only You to choose me – choose me to serve my parents with grace and love, choose me to lower the wings of mercy upon them and bring joy and ease in their twilight years. Oh Allaah, choose me to be the mother who raises a generation of leaders and imams for the muttaqoon ( the pious). Choose me to pen those words that can pierce the hardest of hearts and bring them back to you, Yaa Rabb. Choose me to bring hope where there is darkness. Choose me to bring love where there is hatred. Choose me to bring justice where is oppression. Choose me to bring joy where there is pain.
Choose me, I beg You, choose me. I know I cannot be special unless You make me special. I cannot heal others unless You heal me and guide me. I cannot guide others without Your Light to guide me. I cannot carry Your Book in my weak and damaged heart unless You give it strength, my Rabb.
I am not special, but I know You can make me special. I have no talent or power, but You alone can grant me the talents and powers that will make me special. I cannot be beloved to You until You guide me and help me to do those actions that You Love.
Yaa Allaah, choose me and make me special even though I am nothing but a collection of dust and weakness, an amalgamation of sin and offence, a complex of arrogance and ignorance. Yet You Alone can choose for me to rise above these; so choose me and choose FOR me an action that will make me beloved to You, and to all of those who are also beloved to You.