By Asma Nemati
Us women can be very funny creatures sometimes. We work in very strange ways; when we want something, it comes out in a roundabout way. To get a point across to our loved ones, we sometimes have to bend backwards to have them understand. Or, to explain our emotions to another woman, we have to talk oh-so-much to convey just a simple sentence. I often find myself puzzled about why I said or did such and such when I only wanted to convey one thing. I baffle myself, honestly. We’re just so complex, right?
As complex as our talkative, outer, feminine selves are, so does the complexity reflect inward: our hormones are constantly changing and shifting. At times, we become social butterflies and then, at other times, we retreat to our quiet homes and organize, make things functional, and organize a bit more. The cycle continues perhaps monthly, and perhaps with every pregnancy, birth, and post-partum. Ooohh…those postpartum periods! Boy, they are difficult. As an introverted, intellectual type, I find myself very perturbed by the fluctuations in my hormones and notice the minute changes in my body. And when this ‘ol horse of a body has to go through a major event like carrying a child, it sure feels it emotionally more than anything, especially afterwards. I have also noticed that after giving birth to each of my children, my body, mind, and soul have become more and more sensitive. I’m sure this resonates with you.
In a way, this is not good, but in another way, looking at it in a positive light, being more sensitive could be a great asset. I can only imagine how amazing the women in the past were — they sacrificed everything for the sake of Allah; they had children after children and some even died in childbirth. Their lives were difficult; they did everything from cooking to cleaning, to working in the farm, to giving birth on their own and then returning to work right away. These women gave their all. Because of their sacrifices, they must have been strong in many aspects. Perhaps they were sensitive, intuitive, but more importantly, they carried on and ploughed through life.
In the same vein, it’s crucial that we pick ourselves up and continue, despite these hormonal and emotional fluctuations. We can easily be quite shaken by things that happen around us – the death of a family member, a shift in a relationship with a loved one, a trial or tribulation of any sort…these things can put us out of balance. We can become so out of balance that we feel lost and simply don’t know where to start to get back on track. But on track we must get…our families depend on us not just physically, but also depend on us being emotionally balanced so that we can give back to them. Most important of all, is being grounded spiritually. In a family, I feel that it is so much more pertinent for the wife/mother to have a strong connection with her Lord than it is for a man. Why? Well, a woman is intuitive, she is creative and can steer the soul of a family in the right direction. Whether that’s by being a loving and religious companion for her husband, or a loving and caring mother of children, she has the ability to change the dynamic of the family and help it evolve into something positive. She can be the force for change for an entire family. Single women, divorced women, and unmarried women alike possess the same, very attractive energy and if it is tapped into and used in a manner pleasing to Allah, imagine what great things us women could achieve.
So how do you actually tap into this? Well, it’s different for each person, but I can share a personal experience to give you an idea. A few years ago, after some life-changing situations, I found myself quite unwell. I am not sure if I was physically or spiritually unwell, but I knew something was wrong. I didn’t feel like the person I used to be. My thoughts weren’t the same. I almost felt like something had over taken me and I couldn’t shake myself out it. After trying so hard to try and fix the problem my self, I realized I had to give up. I was focusing my energy on myself when, in reality, I should have turned to Allah, The Most High. For many months, I made a lot of duaa. During moments where my heart was connected with Him, Most High, I sat down and begged to be heard, I begged to be helped as I knew my Creator would know exactly what is wrong with me and I knew that He would guide me in the best way to a solution if He willed.
“The Most Excellent Names belong to Allah: use them to call on Him.” Quran, 7:180
After I realized this, I started focusing on the name of Allah Most High ash-Shafi, the One who actually cures. He cures us in many ways. Every day, He is curing our bodies through the foods we eat, the medicines we might take, the many means of self-development we undertake to cure our hearts by trying to be noble people. There are many ways in which He cures: Allah Most High cures broken hearts, as well as arrogant hearts. To me, it was this name of His that I held on to for a long time. I knew I had to put my trust in Him and simply keep on calling on ash-Shafi. Indeed, it is this very act of asking our Lord that is crucial to the Cure, not necessarily what He gives or withholds from us. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
Supplication is the very essence of worship.
When you call on ash-Shafi to cure you, not only are you seeking help, but you are also worshipping Allah Most High by the very act of asking. That is why we are here; to venerate Him and to seek His help.
Returning to my story, after some time, I finally realized that my ailment was a combination of both physical and spiritual nature. So, with the fact in mind that it is Allah who actually cures — that He is ash-Shafi — I started getting in control of my health and I honestly felt like I was being guided each step of the way. I didn’t feel like I was coming up with ideas on what to do, what to eat, or how to perfect my inner state with Allah Most High – I felt like I was literally on autopilot, despite myself. In trying to get my health back in order, there were many times when I’d wake up and in my mind, I would tell myself I was simply too tired to exercise, or wake up in the middle of the night and find myself starving, desperately wanting to break my way of eating and binge, but despite those thoughts, my body just did what it had to do. When I was struggling inwardly to try and understand what was happening around me, messages were sent via the lessons I attended, or through conversations with close friends. By the pure Grace and Mercy of Allah, I started getting back on track both inwardly and outwardly, and I continue to ride on that same wave to this day, alhamdulillah. This seeming cure sent positive energy towards many aspects of my life: my relationship with my parents, my siblings, my husband, and my children. I truly felt that focusing on Allah, but especially on that one, particular name of Allah Most High, had a lot to do with it.
So, if you find yourself in a similar predicament of needing to be cured of an inward struggle, or a physical ailment, before you go out to see a doctor or discuss the situation with someone, call on Him. Call on Him who actually cures — as-Shafi, and have complete assurance that He will help you. In the meantime, do make sure you are doing what He asks of you via the shari’ah. Isn’t it only fitting to go to a King, a president, someone of high stature wearing clothes that are suitable before the royalty? Likewise, the garment that is fitting before Allah Most High is the outer garment of the Sharia, of obedience to Him, of Taqwaa ( God-Consciousness). When you are wearing the proper clothes, you are having good etiquette, and should you then ask Allah Most High for a cure, inshaaAllah He will give you the thing that is best for you in your religion, life, and in the next life.
And, inshaaAllah, once you are on your way to being cured, you can be the best version of yourself in all aspects of your life. If you work, you can be a positive energy in the office, having the best of character that Islam teaches us. If you are a mother or a wife, you can be a positive force in your loved one’s lives by being compassionate, responsible, and caring. If you are unmarried or divorced, you can have an amazing impact on other people’s lives by being the best version of yourself, inshaaAllah.
Whatever your situation, my dear sister, trust in Allah, ash-Shafi, the one who actually cures, to cure your ailment once and for all.
About the author:
Asma Nemati is a full-time mother who lives in Jordan with her husband and three children. She loves to cook, organize and deepen her understanding of Islam.