Surviving The Cycle Of Domestic Abuse

From a very young age, Asiyah had witnessed her father abusing her mother: he would come back from work and within minutes, kick off. It seemed to Asiyah that her mother never said or did anything to protect herself, and as a child, this made her really mad. She always promised herself that if she ever found herself in such a situation, she would pack her bags and leave – there was no way she would put up with that! 

And here she was, now in her 30’s with four children, having endured a seven-year marriage of verbal and mental abuse. The final straw was when a glass bottle was thrown towards her; as she turned her back, it smashed on the wall where her 3-year-old was only inches away from sitting and playing. It was at that point she made the firm decision that enough was enough! 

After years of reporting the abuse to police and having nothing being done about it; after years of putting up with the involvement of social services which always struck fear into her heart of her children being taken away from her, Asiyah was more determined than ever to leave for good.  

It took her seven years to gather the courage to leave. Every day was a battle, just like between her mum and dad. She didn’t think her upbringing would have an impact in her marriage as she had reverted seven years ago and was told that Islam wiped away everything that came before it. Although this is true for our sins, unfortunately all of our childhood traumas do not get wiped away – they are stored in our unconscious and come to surface in our adulthood if they haven’t been properly resolved. Asiyah hadn’t healed from her childhood experiences of seeing her father abuse her mother. The relationship between her parents had become the blue print of how she would later play out her role as a wife, and for the type of behaviour she would tolerate in a husband. As you can empathize from a situation like this, Asiyah gave up on Islam completely for a little while – she stopped praying, took off her hijab, isolated herself from Muslim women out of fear of being judged, had no peace of mind and felt like she had nothing to give to her children anymore.  

It was at this low point that she contacted Solace for support. Her main focus was the prayer, she yearned for that connection with her Lord again. She began by listening to reminders of the importance of the prayer, the sweetness that one feels when connected to their Lord and the Mercy and Forgiveness of Allah. Slowly she started to feel a change within her. She felt a shift in her emotions. She felt more at calm, peace and to some extent, contentment. Alhamdulilah eventually she returned to establishing her five daily prayers and with her new found motivation she became more organised and started to work towards her career goals and the most beautiful part is that when she reflected over her life and all the trauma that came with it, she summed it up as ‘these tests were gifts from Allah.’ 

Without the help of Allaah and Solace, Asiyah may never have found her way back to Islam again, and would have jeopardised the future if her four children as well as herself. Your donations go a long way in supporting sisters like Asiyah, who need help. 

Your donations go a long way in supporting sisters like Asiyah, who are experiencing domestic violence and need help. 

You can give them solace this Ramadan, by doing the following:
1. Make a monthly commitment to support them
2. Make single donation
3. Donate your zakat
4. Give an ‘eid gift

Be their solace this Ramadan. Support our revert sisters in difficulty: givesolace.uk/behersolace


The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 4 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This revert story was written by Hanaa.

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