“I’m living a double life.”

Categories: Revert Awareness

“I’m living a double life.”

At home, I am just a regular girl. I am my parents’ daughter and an older sister to my siblings.

Outside of my home or at uni, I’m a Muslim.

My family knows nothing about this, nor can I ever tell them… They won’t accept it.

So I have to be careful.

My parents put their hopes and dreams on me, you know?

And I’m dependent on my parents whilst I finish my studies.

I know that they can see that something’s changed in me.

They’ve noticed that I’m different; no matter what I say, they have become suspicious of me. They even suspect I met someone at uni, so I must return home immediately.

And I hate lying to them, but what else can I do?

And I know lying is haram.

And I don’t want to be punished for this.

It’s been hard connecting my love for Islam, the truth and my behaviour, and my reality. Nothing feels right.

My family was suspicious of me. They were calling and checking up on me.

Sometimes I suspect they’re following me around.

I can’t rest and be at peace as I should.

I’m always looking over my shoulders.

I am at risk of homelessness and don’t know where I’ll go.

If you grew up with a different religion and later choose to make a life-changing decision which means losing everything, including your family, for your faith…

Would you choose your religion?

Reverts turn their backs on what they’ve known all their lives and say:

“Ashadu alla ilaha illallah wa ash hadu anna muhammadar rasulullah”

Despite knowing they’ll be breaking the hearts of their families.
Even though others will judge them.
Despite knowing they might lose friendships.
Even possibly losing their loved ones.
Or a home to live in.

And for many reverts, it’s a lifelong journey of these challenges.

Their shahada should be the beginning of the ummah’s support

Not the end.


When a revert sister comes to Solace for help, Solace assigns a support worker to provide tailored support, and the revert sister meets with the support worker every week (otherwise known as support sessions).

Solace is currently supporting 87 revert sisters weekly.

Please consider donating £10 monthly to allow us to continue supporting revert sisters in difficulty.

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