I’m Zaynab Dawood from Lancashire, England. I’m a busy mum of four, a teacher and author. For me there are three delights in life: ibadah, spending time with family and friends, and reading good literature!
We are all in the shade of His mercy; His name is Ar-Rahman (The Most Merciful), after all. In our limited understanding, we know that His grace entails many things: forgiveness, kindness, gentleness, justice, and much more. As believers, we try to emulate the virtues of mercy and kindness towards the creation of Allah (SWT), hoping that The Creator will bestow mercy upon our lives in this world and the next.
We are familiar with verses from the Qur’an and recorded hadiths about the spiritual blessings of showing kindness and mercy to others, as well as acknowledging that we are all the constant recipients of Allah’s (SWT) mercy. Living, being, and, especially, being chosen as believers, are all blessings of mercy that we base our existence upon. We learn through our noble Prophet Muhammad (may Allah’s peace be upon him) that Allah (SWT)’s mercy prevails over His wrath, while remembering that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) was a “Mercy sent to mankind.”1
So, how can we ensure that we follow the example set by the most merciful human being?
Modern life seems to centre around the energy of the young and adults who are in the relentless pursuit of jobs, promotions, homes, the right holiday, relationships with friends and family, planning families, and stockpiling for that golden age of retirement. These pursuits are well within the remit of being Muslim, as long as we ensure that we take care of each other, take care of our children, and take care of our elderly. The Prophet (may Allah’s blessings be upon him) has taught us the careful balance needed in society, as he said: “He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and does not respect our elderly.” (At-Tirmidhi)
Mercy towards our elderly parents
The easiest way we can participate in this noble act of showing mercy to our elderly is to begin by being kind to our parents. Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an: “Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good.” (Qur’an 4:36)
This is a Divine commandment that we cannot ignore and we must show mercy towards our parents according to their needs. Mercy towards them includes gentleness, understanding and love: “Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him, and do good to parents. If any one of them or both of them reach old age, do not say to them: uff (a word or expression of anger or contempt) and do not scold them, and address them with respectful words.” (Qur’an 17:23)
Parents are a source of mercy for us as we have the opportunity to gain immense reward by being dutiful towards them. Parents, too can reap the benefits of having loving and dutiful children as once they pass, righteous children who make du’a for them and give sadaqah on their behalf will be recorded in their book of records insha’Allah. Even after they leave us, we must show respect to their friends as a mark of honour towards them.
Seeing our parents in every elderly person
The care we show our elderly parents eclipses the care they showed us when we were babies, toddlers, and teenagers. Even if we were tested with absent parents or neglectful ones, we must still honour them and also extend some of that mercy to our elderly. Generally, in Muslim communities, placing the elderly in old people’s homes has never been the norm as we do take the admonishment of the Prophet (may Allah’s peace be upon him) seriously that a person is doomed if their parents reach old age and do not take care of them.
Consider the following examples:
-It may be difficult to repeat ourselves to a hearing impaired elder, but easier if it is our own parents and grandparents: didn’t they repeat our names again and again as they played with us when we were young?
-We may wince away when an elderly person has split food and saliva on their clothes and chin but by the mercy of Allah (SWT), we may be given the humility and guidance, to wipe away, with gentleness and mercy, any spillage from our mothers and fathers, and by extension, any other elderly person in our care.
Muslim culture of love and mercy
Let me share some anecdotes about the varied experience of being in an ummah where we feel the mercy being shared to the young and elderly…
– I remember being at the airport in Istanbul with my mother-in-law and a porter came with an electric wheelchair to push her. The young porter kept addressing me as “mama.”
-Scenes of helpers pulling women out of the rubble in Gaza and the men calling out to each of the senior women as “aunty.”
-As a younger woman, I would always be addressed as “sister” or “daughter,” and now I address youngsters as “son” or “daughter” and any seniors as “aunty” and “uncle.”
-Random elderly Muslim women waiting in the car park of supermarkets with a trolley full of shopping waiting for a kind faced Muslim woman to come along so they can ask for a lift back home. These elderly women who have some independence because of their mobility and health, believe that they have some right over the younger generation because of the respect and dignity bestowed upon them by the Prophet (may Allah’s blessings be upon him).
The Hadith that mentions that “he is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and does not respect our elderly” must be a living maxim that we perpetuate in our communities. The mercy we show our children in the community blossoms into the respect and care we accord our seniors. Therefore, it is incumbent upon the seniors in our midst to also be respectful, cooperative, and understanding to those caring for them as this makes it easier for all of us to exercise mercy towards each other.
The reality, unfortunately, is that some seniors are bitter, stubborn and often harsh with their speech. We must be grateful and exercise patience. We know that during old age some regress into behaviours that do not befit a senior, but this diminishment is involuntary, and we must accord the same mercy and care we would show difficult children.
We do not abandon our difficult children thus; we should not abandon our elderly but demonstrate mercy. The mercy we show will perhaps be rewarded by Allah (SWT) with kind merciful children and people by our side during the last years of our lives and reward in the Hereafter, Allah Willing. By doing this we ensure we are caretakers of each other, despite the difficulties because doesn’t Allah (SWT) take care of us, despite our weaknesses and disobedience? Indeed He is Ar Rahman, the Most Merciful.
