By Shazana Khansa,
Revert, writer, mother, dev, life-long learner, cook.
I took my shahada just before the world shut down.
In November 2019, just before news of Covid began spreading and uncertainty filled the air, I quietly embraced Islam. Within weeks, lockdowns began. Masajid closed. Communities withdrew into their homes.
And then Ramadan arrived.
For many Muslims, Ramadan is a month wrapped in memory. Childhood excitement, family iftars, decorated homes, the rhythm of generations repeating sacred traditions.
For me, it was my first Ramadan as a Muslim. And I was alone.
A Ramadan Like No Other
I remember standing in my kitchen preparing iftar for one. The world outside was silent. No gatherings. No mosque. No community iftars. No Taraweeh prayers in long rows of worshippers.
Part of me felt the weight of what I didn’t have.
No Muslim family.
No inherited Ramadan traditions.
No one to gently guide me through what to say, what to cook, how to pace the month.
But another part of me felt something unexpected.
Peace.
There was something profoundly intimate about that first Ramadan. It was just me, my hunger, my thirst, and my Lord.
Allah (SWT) says:
“O you who believe, fasting has been prescribed for you as it was prescribed for those before you, so that you may attain taqwa.”
(Qur’an 2:183)
That verse felt deeply personal.
Fasting wasn’t about culture. It wasn’t about community expectations. It wasn’t about perfect iftar tables or social media posts.
It was about taqwa.
And in the stillness of lockdown, taqwa felt possible.
Learning Ramadan From Scratch
As a revert, Ramadan can feel overwhelming.
There are practical questions:
- When exactly do I stop eating?
- What breaks the fast?
- How do I pray Taraweeh at home?
- What if I get it wrong?
There are emotional questions too:
- Why does everyone else seem so confident?
- Why does this feel both beautiful and lonely?
- Do I really belong in this month?
During that first Ramadan, I learned slowly. I double-checked prayer times. I read translations of the Qur’an late into the night. I attempted extra prayers quietly in my living room.
There was no one watching me.
And perhaps that was a gift.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Actions are judged by intentions.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)
My Ramadan wasn’t polished. It wasn’t perfect. But it was sincere.
And sincerity is beloved to Allah (SWT).
The Hidden Loneliness of Revert Ramadan
As the years have passed, one thing has become clear — Ramadan can amplify the “in-between” feeling many reverts carry.
When Eid approaches, many Muslims return to large family homes. Kitchens are full. Children run around. Generations gather.
For reverts, Eid can look very different.
You may still be explaining to your family why you’re fasting. You may be negotiating time off work without inherited community support. You may be breaking your fast alone — or being the only one fasting in your household.
That doesn’t make your Ramadan lesser.
But it can make it lonelier.
There is a quiet ache that can sit beneath the surface of a revert’s Ramadan. You are spiritually full, yet socially aware of what you don’t have.
And sometimes, we don’t talk about that enough.
Remembering the First Believers
When I feel that ache, I remind myself of something powerful:
Many of the Sahabah experienced Ramadan without the comfort of extended Muslim families.
They were the first in their households to believe.
They were reverts.
They faced opposition. Some were isolated. Some were persecuted. Some broke their fasts quietly, surrounded by those who rejected their faith.
Yet their Ramadans were not diminished.
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“Islam began as something strange and will return to being strange, so glad tidings to the strangers.”
(Sahih Muslim)
Sometimes Ramadan as a revert feels strange.
But perhaps that strangeness connects us to the earliest believers.
We are not outside the tradition.
We are living its original reality.
Finding Solace in Ramadan
In those early days, discovering Solace UK changed everything.
Even when physical gatherings weren’t possible, knowing there were other women navigating their first (or fifth, or tenth) Ramadan without Muslim families brought comfort.
Solace understands something crucial: reverting is not a single moment. It is a lifelong unfolding.
Ramadan can reopen questions about identity, belonging, and support. Through Solace, I realised my experiences weren’t unique. Other sisters were asking the same questions. Other sisters were setting their alarms for suhoor alone. Other sisters were making du’a for understanding families.
Eventually, I began volunteering — wanting to contribute to a space that had steadied me during such a sacred month.
There is something incredibly healing about turning your loneliness into service.
Allah (SWT) says:
“Indeed, with hardship comes ease.”
(Qur’an 94:6)
Sometimes that ease arrives in the form of community.
We Belong in Ramadan
It can be easy to feel like Ramadan “belongs” more to those who grew up with it.
But Ramadan does not belong to culture.
It belongs to Allah.
The month is not inherited. It is entered.
The moment you say your shahada, you are included in its mercy.
You belong in the night prayers.
You belong in Laylatul Qadr.
You belong in the du’a at iftar.
You belong in the celebration of Eid.
Allah (SWT) says:
“Indeed, the most noble of you in the sight of Allah is the most righteous of you.”
(Qur’an 49:13)
Not the one with the longest Ramadan history.
Not the one with childhood memories of fasting.
The one with taqwa.
And reverts actively chose taqwa.
There is something deeply powerful about choosing hunger for the sake of Allah when you weren’t raised to do so.
That choice matters.
A Different Kind of Gift
Looking back now, I see that my first Ramadan in lockdown was not lacking — it was intimate.
It stripped everything back to the essentials.
No cultural layers.
No social comparison.
No performance.
Just worship.
That foundation shaped every Ramadan after it.
If you are a revert reading this — especially within the Solace community — and you are approaching this Ramadan with mixed emotions, please know:
Your Ramadan counts.
Your lonely suhoor counts.
Your quiet iftar counts.
Your whispered du’a counts.
You are not a guest in this month.
You are not an outsider looking in.
You are part of the ummah of Muhammad ﷺ.
And many of those who built this ummah were reverts too.
And whoever you are, if you want to ease the disconnection and make a revert’s Ramadan easier, please consider donating to SolaceUK https://www.solaceuk.org/donate/ so more reverts can be supported at this delicate time.
May Allah (SWT) make this Ramadan a source of belonging for every revert. May He replace isolation with closeness to Him. May He send sincere companionship. And may He remind us, especially in our most vulnerable moments, that we belong exactly where He placed us.
