Revert Stories | Solace UK

When The Storms Keep Coming

“Why can’t I see him? You let us last time Mummy,” Esra asked Sinead for the third night in a row. They had just put the younger ones to bed, but all through bedtime, Esra somehow found a way to ask the same question. How many more excuses could Sinead give her?

“Because he puts his hands around my throat, and every time he does, I truly believe the tightness of his hold means I won’t live to see another day,” “Because he mocks me and puts me down whenever I make an effort,” “Because he continuously tells me I’m a terrible mother and a terrible Muslim.”

Could Sinead ever utter these reasons to her daughter? Would she forever resent her mum for it, if she did? Her dad was good to her, but he was not good to Sinead.

“How could he be so different?” The split in his personality would make her question every aspect of her being, day and night. Every time Sinead had to let him near the children, the knot in her stomach would tighten until they were safely back in her company.

“What if he uses them to get back at me the next time? I know he loves them but would his hate over power that love?” the conversations in her mind continued. Sinead reminded herself what she had gone through in her session with Solace last week, “I have to remember my priorities; he’s away from us. Far, far away.” she thought, attempting to quiet the negative noise in her mind. “When the time is right, I will explain everything, I promise” Sinead whispered, hoping Esra believed her this time.

As Esra slept, Sinead put the kettle on, freshly boiled water as usual was her favourite. While it bubbled away, she couldn’t help but think of her sweet princess and everything her and her siblings were going through. She’d tried asking those from their local community for help but, nothing. No matter what she tried to do, she felt like an alien - sisters who she thought would always be in her life now seemed too busy to even meet up for a walk...or was there something more? Were they avoiding her? As if Sinead would ask for the impossible!

She understood their husbands were still friends with Mohammed, but if only they knew what he was really like at home. Even when she had tried involving the children in the events at the masjid, nothing – she still felt excluded because of her language, her colour, and now her situation. It seemed that the only time sisters wanted to speak to her was when they wanted to talk about how Esra “dresses now” - As if that was the biggest and only thing a Muslim sister could be concerned with - the way her daughter was dressed! It seemed to Sinead that these people would never understand anything outside of their own little bubble.

How could they? Sinead knew she wasn’t the best of Muslims herself, but she was certain this was not how it was supposed to be… or was it? Maybe they’re right, she thought. If she couldn’t even bring herself to get up for Fajr, how would she ever teach her children to become proper Muslims? She couldn’t recall the last time she had experienced a deep and connected conversation with Allah in her own salaah…

“Oh Allah. I want to do better. But I am so, so lost and broken,” her thoughts diverted. She grabbed one of her white teacups with green petals and gold outline which her late grandmother had given her, poured the boiling water in, stirred the tea bag, then added a splash of milk.

“Oh Allah, I really do want to do better,” her thoughts continued. She remembered that any mindful and heartfelt conversation with Allah was better than nothing, that she didn’t have to wait for prayer, or make wudhu. That’s what her suppport worker from Solace had said. To speak to Allah with no barrier. She sipped her tea, allowing her heart to settle into her unspoken words.

6.53am. The alarm didn’t wake Sinead up in time. As she rushed everything, she couldn’t help but think about how she knew she should have just prepped their snack bags the night before. Some croissants will have to do, she will deal with the teachers another time. Kisses and “love you’s” from all of them. “Allah protect them for me.” she whispered as she was leaving the school gates. Crossing the heavily congested road in the opposite direction to where she came from, she made her way to the bus stop. The bottom of her face slightly covered by a woolly scarf.

Oh Allah,” again, she whispered to herself, hoping her undefined plea would give her strength. She had been dreading going to work every day for the past year and Sinead felt utterly stuck on what to do. Darcie, her manager and antagonist had spotted her trying to make wudu in the ladies’ bathroom. Sinead tried to go during a time when she thought no one would be there, but Darcie as always, seemed to show up.

“Goodness, you’d think nothing was under that cloth!” She said in jest, almost sneering.

Her “friendly and harmless” comments never stopped. How could Sinead explain microaggressions when each one by itself could all be so small, and perceived as being in her head? How could she prove islamophobia when there was not a single other person at work who could understand or empathize, let alone take action? Sinead had not made wudu again at work since that incident.

But she was in inner turmoil - how could she be ashamed of being a Muslim? How could she be embarrassed to pray at work for this long? Her support worker had Sinead that other people had gone through this kind of thing at work too, and with her encouragement, she set herself the task that this week she would attempt praying just once.

“Today is the day, Oh Allah, that I will pray just one salah at work. One step at a time.”

Sinead received weekly support from Solace which helped her navigate through the multiple challenges in her life, all at the same time. She soon felt motivated to start praying 5 times a day, and took small steps to reach her goal including praying Dhuhr and Asr at work.

Through her sessions, she also found the confidence to challenge her senior colleague, Darcie, and raised grievances for which Sinead won. Through this, she was also able to raise awareness of discrimination, racism and Islamophobia at her workplace.

Domestic violence.

Mental, emotional and physical abuse.

Lack of support from the Muslim community.

Racism.

Discrimination.

Islamophobia.

Come to their aid on this blessed night through the following ways:

Support revert sisters in difficulty on this blessed night and earn Allah’s pleasure and greatly multiplied rewards.

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Hadil Arman.

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Melanie’s Mid-Life Divorce: The Story Of A New Revert Trying To Go It Alone

After spending the last few years of her life trying to work on her marriage, Melanie found herself divorced with two young children. She had only just reverted to Islam a year ago. Feeling alone, confused and broken she reflected over the years that had passed by. She looked in the mirror and couldn't recognise the person looking back. She looked old and tired. “I'm nearly 50 years old,” she thought, “Where has the time gone? What choices have I made and why did I make them?” She breathed shakily as she remembered her journey up to this point.

The heartache and pain in her heart ripped through her body as the memories came and she broke down in tears - coming to terms with this new life was unbearable. It was just too difficult to accept. She had never imagined herself being a single mum. She had dreams of raising her children in a home with both mum and dad. She felt angry that her husband didn't want to try harder to make it work. She felt sad that she had let her kids down. She found herself in a cycle of regret that came to haunt her, again and again.

“How could I not have seen this from the start?” She blamed herself. She felt a sense of shame, thinking about how everyone would be gossiping about her and her family.

She lived in a rural area part of the country which meant there wasn't a Muslim Community, and she had no support from her family who had slowly become less close since her shahaadah, and now, with everything that was going on she didn't feel like reaching out to anyone. She didn’t want to answer the questions, put up with the prying or even have their pitying glances.

Time flew by, days turned into weeks and before she knew it, it was months since she had had a heart to heart conversation with someone, and Melanie started to feel extremely isolated. Feeling emotionally, mentally and spiritually drained, she stopped praying and eventually took off her hijab. She felt even more shame, guilt and blame as a consequence. She had never hit rock bottom before this: it was all getting too much.

One evening, as she sat on the sofa staring blankly across the room, a thought crossed her mind to watch a video reminder on her phone that might bring her comfort. As she looked at her phone, a notification popped up and as she tapped it, she saw that it was a post about a revert sister who had gone through some life challenges and found support from a charity by the name of Solace.

Intrigued, she continued scrolling down, reading word after word. Tears started streaming down her face as she saw herself reflected in the story. She was not the only one, she realised. Maybe they could help her, just as they had helped the sister in the story get back on her feet. “I need this,” she whispered, wiping the tears from her face as she dialled the number for Solace.

She was allocated a caring Support Worker and was supported with relocating to an area with a bigger Muslim Community, as she wished to have more Muslim company for herself and her children. Melanie now attends regular sisters Islamic classes and gatherings, she takes part in local events by helping out and volunteering at the mosque, and the kids attend a local school and have made Muslim friends so that they can build their own support networks too.

We need to ask ourselves now, will we join this comforting light: are we ready to help light their way? Will we be amongst the chosen believers that Allah uses to help others?

43 individuals have planted the seed of giving regularly in this blessed month of Ramadan. They've answered the call and have committed to be a comforting light to revert sisters in difficulty, every month.

Build on your akhirah on this night of the 25th, a night that could be better than a thousand months, and do a deed that Allah loves – a consistent good deed.

Become a regular donor: http://givesolace.uk/bhs-monthly

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan. Follow along at https://solaceuk.org/revertstories

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Hanaa' Ibtes

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From Down-and-Out Single Mum to Positive Parent

For Aaisha, it has been a long arduous journey, a decade full of trials and memories of a man who did not love her or their four children. Alhamdulillah she’s reached a safe haven: a safe haven within herself as she maintains that eternal bond with Allah, a bond that no man will ever sever.

But it’s been a tumultuous abyss that she’s had to climb out of, stretching out her hand, gingerly and fervently, to grasp the Rope of Allah that would rein her into safer, calmer shores. This, too, would have been virtually impossible if it had not been for the women at Solace UK, who threw her an illuminous brand and said: “Sister, we’re here for you…you can do this…don’t give in to what he did to you…rise up and take charge…Allah is with you.” She grabbed the light and with it the unrelenting support, and she’s now standing tall, alhumdulillah.

Yet, not so long before, there had been a cold grey vacancy that consumed her as a woman and as a mother. Her eldest daughter had felt the brunt of the abuse and neglect, and churned out such misbehaviour that she spent a year in foster care. For Aisha to be away from her child and see how tormented she was, only added to her low self-esteem. Being a Muslim for so many years now, she knew that bad times come to everyone, and that indeed Allah tests those whom He loves, yet being alone with three other children and no external support meant she saw the dark side of desperation rising within her. Alhamdulillaah, her faith was alive, because no matter how much abuse she had taken from her husband, she did not let it define her. She was better than the chiding, the shouting and the humiliation. To believe in yourself only a little, even a shadow of a fraction, is hope and to have hope is to know that Allah will flourish that belief in ways you could not imagine…

Solace gave her recommendations, referrals and reassurance; they provided support, guidance and growth; were there with emails, texts, video calls.

Using the support offered by Solace, this broken woman built herself up into a wholeness that meant she was putting into practice all the courses of well-being and positive parenting that Solace had recommended. Her daughter finally returned home and Aisha was whole again: a strong mum raising and nurturing her four children to the best of her ability, planting the seeds of faith and emaan in them, as she grew herself.

It has not been easy and it’s still difficult on some days, but being a single mum is a challenge only given to those can bear it. She reads the verse from the Quran: “Allah does not burden a soul beyond what it can bear…” (2:286) and it realigns her thinking. She’s grateful for the blessings she has and her new job revives her with a sense of determination to be the best Muslim mum to her children. She’s grateful for the practical advice Solace UK gave her: from seeking a job to writing applications. Her weekly chats with the team at Solace UK ensure she can tap into the professional and caring advice on offer and also express her challenges to caring, non-judgmental listeners.

Solace UK has been a lifeline to her. She’s ready to make full use of the new life that’s in front of her. Solace UK has shown her that a Muslim woman can reclaim her own life and trajectory, that such a woman need not be stuck in the shadows of a wretched man’s misuse and abuse of her. Time has healed some pain and some pain still lingers but she knows that Allah will help her.

“If Allah helps you, none can overcome you…” (3:160)

When you donate to Solace, sisters like Aaisha can have the support they need to raise the next generation of Muslims without the baggage of emotional trauma.

On this Ramadan, plant the seed of giving regularly by becoming a regular donor, make a donation, or give your zakat to make a difference to the upbringing of the next generation of Muslims, to make sure they grow up with the support they need to keep them in the Deen, and to grow up healthy and happy doing so.

I want to make a difference: https://givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan. Follow along at https://solaceuk.org/revertstories

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Zaynab Dawood.

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Searching For Light Amidst The Darkness

She grew up in a landscape adorned with natural beauty and the artistry of men who constructed huge monuments of the Catholic tradition: looming cathedrals that basked in the Spanish heat. But she also grew up in a land where the call to prayer echoed and meandered through the Moorish courtyards; where archways of mosques still reverberated to La illaha illAllah… A tapestry of faiths, weaved with almost divergent claims about God. How could such a place open up new horizons and the single path to the Ultimate Truth?

…and how could a woman, in her mid-twenties, born and bred of such a colourful land cast off years, perhaps even centuries, of tradition and expectation, and answer the call to her heart? Listen to the eternal voice within her?

A glimpse into this woman’s early life reveals that she had nothing lacking: parents, friends and a lifestyle that kept her at the centre of it. Yet an emptiness had begun to expand in her heart and an uneasy brood fester in her mind: there was more...more to reflect upon, more to be understood, more to be touched by. Her journey to Shahadah was her answer to all of this and a new, more meaningful purpose lay ahead - but every journey has obstacles…

A life of dedication to Allah means giving up old habits, it means behaving in a different way and for women, outwardly appearing differently too. She struggled to persuade her parents and friends that she was still the same person just a better version; that she had a new identity that she sought for herself, that she was taking ownership for her faith and shaping her destiny. But no: no to her new life, no to her new way, no to her.

In her desperate moments she longed for some human contact, to reach out and spill her heart out to other Muslims who would guide her, help her, reassure her that she was not alone. Isolation has many facets, but she searched for help - hope and Iman fueling her with the strength not to give into the depressive pangs of isolation.

Her loneliness mingled with her quest to gain knowledge, and why not? She was now a Muslim, who had both a duty and a thirst to gain knowledge and nourish her mind with knowledge that would far transcend the false reasons her rejectors posed. But it wasn’t easy. There were no local seminars held in nearby mosques, no friendly sister coffee mornings, no whatsApp groups she could chat on.

But Allah hears the calls and pleas of those that love Him and depend on Him.

Scrolling, endlessly, Solace UK burst out of the screen like a beacon on a stormy sea. Courageously she made contact and the rest was history. History that can’t be solidified in Gaudi architecture or even Moorish minbars, but history that a believer and Allah are in constant engagement with.

Her case workers listened to her and understood every tear that she shed. It was the beginning of a new relationship, one based on faith and kindness, one forged with the certainty of Tauheed and sanctified by the shared vision of Prophet Muhammad (saw) and all the believers.

One day she came across this: Allah loves to help His servants through other believing servants. Tears streamed down her face. She wonders, now and then, which special people, across the continent, even across the world, form this lifebuoy that seeks to help sisters like her. From help with getting onto free courses and suggestions for further development, Solace UK has never wavered from its support.

For so many years now, Solace UK has been the guiding light that has saved her from those dark moments that creep upon all of us. It’s still difficult for Nadia at times, and some relationships haven’t mended completely but she has matured enough to accept that sometimes some relationships don’t mend: because whilst she wanted to keep Allah in her relationships, others didn’t.

A slow wisdom and security are rising within her now, and she is content in the knowledge that there are many Muslims out there who wish her well, who are making du’aa for her and whom she can contact when she needs a reassuring word. Living in a place with very little physical activity she has learnt to maintain her Iman through worship, teaching herself through the recommendations of her case workers. She has grown through the kind words spoken to her, through the chats and emails with her support worker, and she has empowered herself by learning and reading the blogs and posts on Solace UK as well as on other sites.

Some days are still difficult but her growing faith reminds her that her blessed Prophet (saw) also struggled - her struggles are something she now has tools and wisdom to grow from. She looks forward to meeting that special man who will live up to the expectation of a Muslim husband, as nothing will lower her standards now - she has embarked on a very special journey, a journey that has been blessed by the dozens of sisters working hard at Solace UK to ensure that those like her, wherever they are, do not slip out of the beautiful Path.

She prays with gratitude that Solace UK continues its great work, that it continues being a comforting light for those in need.

We need to ask ourselves now, will we join this comforting light: are we ready to help light their way? Will we be amongst the chosen believers that Allah uses to help others?

We're inviting you to join the 32 individuals who planted the seed of giving regularly this Ramadan. They've answered the call and have committed to be a comforting light to revert sisters in difficulty, every month.

"The most beloved of deeds to Allah is that which is done persistently, even if it is little.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari (5861) and Muslim (782).

Become a regular donor: http://givesolace.uk/bhs-monthly

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan. Follow along at https://solaceuk.org/revertstories

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Zaynab Dawood.

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From the Frying Pan Into The Fire

She was worn down. Tired. Life after shahaadah had felt more like a death sentence lately. She was doing something wrong, and all this was her fault – she knew it was, because that’s what the voices in her head had been telling her; the voices that resounded in her head every day, with every step… she could barely distinguish between them and her own anymore.

Had her decision to become a Muslim been a mistake? She was almost too mentally drained to remember what had even brought her to Islaam, to Allaah – it was too painful to go back and revisit that past. It seemed like a memory that belonged to a different person;, a person who had hope, who had conviction, who believed in something strongly. That twenty-year old who had taken her shahaadah – She was strong,. She knew who she was. She had heart. She had friends.

Then the tests started, rolling in like a cold, grey fog, suffocating dreams and hopes in their silent and incessant creeping. Some of them she was prepared for – coming from a Sikh background, she was prepared, she thought, for the fallout of her decision to become Muslim; she was prepared for the anger and disappointment of her parents and the questioning by her husband. She was prepared for their tears and even their anger. But it was the violence that shocked her.

She was locked up in her own home and beaten not by strangers or criminals, but by the very people who had sheltered her, by the very people who she thought were her protection and sanctuary, the same people who she loved and trusted: her brothers, her dad, her husband. She could barely recognize them in their spitting rage as they shouted, cursed, punched and abused her relentlessly, even as she begged them with her eyes and her words to stop. All this for saying “I believe in Allaah and in His Messenger Muhammad” (sallAllaahu alayhi wa sallam). It seemed archaic – something you read about in the books of history that befell those poor unfortunate people of the past, who didn’t live in a civilized society, not something that happens in the twenty-first century to modern, independent women like her.

She had learned to get used to the violence after that… she had to. After her parents saw that she wouldn’t relent and give up her new found faith, they disowned her, stopped taking her calls and forbade any of her brothers and sisters from having any contact with her. That was heartbreaking – she had always beenclose to her siblings, particularly her sister, Gul – the two of them were like twins, being so close in age and looks. And now even she had turned her back on her. What kept her going, was the thought that this was just temporary. They would see sense after a while, and realise that she wasn’t doing this to hurt them. Then they would welcome her back, then they would apologise for the hurt they caused. Then they would all go back to how it was before…

But they persisted, and even recruited her husband to “beat it out of her.” He had always had a violent streak, buthad somehow kept it in check. Now it had been unleashed, however, it was like the tiger that could never go back into the cage. He would beat her for anything, telling her how worthless and dumb she was;, what an excuse for a woman she was;, what a failure of a mother, daughter and wife she was – even in front of their two children. In fact, he seemed to relish the opportunity of turning her doting children against her and of giving her the added pain of not just taking them away from her, but hurting them in the process too.

Somehow, with the help of Allaah, she escaped that situation. She had freed herself from the physical torture but the emotional pain of having no family, of being away from her two beautiful and innocent children remained and festered. She was pretty much penniless and powerless, though, and when she went to the masjid, they ushered her into a new marriage with the Abdullah of her dreams.

Somehow her dreams and nightmares became entwined over the next few years, as Abdullah re-enacted the horrors of the violence of her first marriage. Now what had she done to deserve this? It was incomprehensible, it made no sense; so, she stayed, praying and hoping that she could find a way to make this marriage work, all the while thinking of the two children she had left behind. Her heart was torn in two

She wanted to ask for help, but didn’t have any real friends of her own and she didn’t want to talk to anyone who already knew Abdullah, they probably wouldn’t believe her anyway – who was she but a young revert who didn’t know much? She could see what they thought of her, with their averted eyes and their hushed whispers every time she entered the room. It was tortuous to be shunned and misunderstood by those she had expected help from – “Isn’t this the ummah that is supposed to help me?” she would cry out in her moments of anguish. Maybe this was all a mistake. Maybe I don’t belong here. Maybe Allaah doesn’t love me…

Then she came across Solace through a chance visit to the masjid, where the orange flyer with the image of a sister with her arm around another sister caught her eye. She didn’t know what to expect, but when she heard the voice of her support worker on the phone, the flood gates of pain were released finally to a place where they would be safe. After her shahaadah, it was the most important turning point of her life.

Many sisters who come to Solace are victims of domestic violence. They are not only abandoned and shunned, but are beaten, tortured and abused.

They need your help. We need your help to help them.

This Ramadan, we’re asking you to give them solace, through the following ways:

Sisters like Nirali need your help.

Support revert sisters in difficulty this Ramadan: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan. Follow along at https://solaceuk.org/revertstories

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Romina.

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A Tale of Self-Discovery: How Alison Came To Islam

Sakina had this amazing energy about her, Alison thought and her charismatic personality drew Alison to her immediately when they first met at Uni. As she got to know her, Alison’s curiosity was piqued: why does she wear the hijab? Why does she have to pray 5 times a day?

But what Alison really wanted to know was how Sakina flowed through the motions of her prayer with a serenity that even yoga had never allowed her.

As a child Alison had so many questions: questions about the trees, the sky, the sun, the moon and everything in between, but the more varied the answers she got growing up, the more her curiosity peaked. She went through educational institutions always aware of and even befriending Muslims, but it wasn’t until she started researching Islam for herself that it satiated the plethora of questions she had about existence.

It was when Sakina invited her along to the ISOC seminar that she heard the words from the speaker:

سَنُرِيهِمْ ءَايَـٰتِنَا فِى ٱلْـَٔافَاقِ وَفِىٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُ ٱلْحَقُّ ۗ أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِ بِرَبِّكَ أَنَّهُۥ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَىْءٍۢ شَهِيدٌ

We shall show them Our signs in every region of the earth and in themselves, until it becomes clear to them that this is the Truth. Is it not enough that your Lord witnesses everything? (41:53)

Alison felt something stir in her heart and could not focus the rest of the day, almost as though she was having an out of body experience. Everywhere she looked it seemed as though she was looking at it for the first time, the blue sky above her head suddenly looked far more majestic than before. She struggled to sleep that night and recalled that day several years ago, while she was on holiday in Turkey, she heard the Adhan (call to prayer) for the first time, the melodious sound of the Arabic language, which she didn’t even understand, had stopped her in her tracks. Since then, she had been researching about Islam and the more she read about it, the more the truth was manifesting within her.

That night after the ISOC seminar she whipped out her laptop at 2 a.m. and searched ‘How do you become a Muslim?’ She felt ready for the first time in her life - she felt certain that Islam was the truth. Searching for a mosque that might be able to help her, her search drew a blank due to the pandemic. Thankfully she came across the Solace website, called them and was later able to talk through how everything could be arranged for her over the phone and online.

She took her shahadah, not in a room full of people but sitting in her room facing her laptop, but that was ok. She could feel the presence of her Creator, The One Who would and always did witness everything.

The support she got from Solace, in what was a lonely time for many, was invaluable. She had so many fears about learning new things: the prayer, The Quran, the Islamic teachings and rules, but her support worker understood her needs and helped her through them. It was daunting at first - the foreign language on her tongue, not being able to understand what she was reciting when she was reciting it, but her support worker helped calm her fears.

She worked with her to set up a manageable learning plan which would help her memorise the prayer and talked through her questions about Islam. Alison looked forward to and enjoyed the sessions, reviewing her memorisation goals and learning more and more about Islam and Allaah. She was given the safe space to clarify the misunderstandings and doubts that invaded her thoughts on occasion. Her support worker also helped her build confidence so that she could tell her family and friends of her new faith.

She was hopeful now that with her newfound motivation to learn she could bring answers to other seekers of truth. She hoped that the support that she had gotten from Solace could be the ripple that runs through her to spread the message of Islam: Alison wanted to be an ambassador of hope just as Solace had been for her.

Will you be a beacon of hope for the many like Alison out there?

Give them solace this Ramadan, and multiply your rewards by helping your revert sisters to find Sakina (peace) in their lives, by doing the following:

Support revert sisters in difficulty this Ramadan: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Meru Hussain.

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Surviving The Cycle Of Domestic Abuse

From a very young age, Asiyah had witnessed her father abusing her mother: he would come back from work and within minutes, kick off. It seemed to Asiyah that her mother never said or did anything to protect herself, and as a child, this made her really mad. She always promised herself that if she ever found herself in such a situation, she would pack her bags and leave - there was no way she would put up with that!

And here she was, now in her 30's with four children, having endured a seven-year marriage of verbal and mental abuse. The final straw was when a glass bottle was thrown towards her; as she turned her back, it smashed on the wall where her 3-year-old was only inches away from sitting and playing. It was at that point she made the firm decision that enough was enough!

After years of reporting the abuse to police and having nothing being done about it; after years of putting up with the involvement of social services which always struck fear into her heart of her children being taken away from her, Asiyah was more determined than ever to leave for good.

It took her seven years to gather the courage to leave. Every day was a battle, just like between her mum and dad. She didn’t think her upbringing would have an impact in her marriage as she had reverted seven years ago and was told that Islam wiped away everything that came before it. Although this is true for our sins, unfortunately all of our childhood traumas do not get wiped away - they are stored in our unconscious and come to surface in our adulthood if they haven't been properly resolved. Asiyah hadn’t healed from her childhood experiences of seeing her father abuse her mother. The relationship between her parents had become the blue print of how she would later play out her role as a wife, and for the type of behaviour she would tolerate in a husband. As you can empathize from a situation like this, Asiyah gave up on Islam completely for a little while - she stopped praying, took off her hijab, isolated herself from Muslim women out of fear of being judged, had no peace of mind and felt like she had nothing to give to her children anymore.

It was at this low point that she contacted Solace for support. Her main focus was the prayer, she yearned for that connection with her Lord again. She began by listening to reminders of the importance of the prayer, the sweetness that one feels when connected to their Lord and the Mercy and Forgiveness of Allah. Slowly she started to feel a change within her. She felt a shift in her emotions. She felt more at calm, peace and to some extent, contentment. Alhamdulilah eventually she returned to establishing her five daily prayers and with her new found motivation she became more organised and started to work towards her career goals and the most beautiful part is that when she reflected over her life and all the trauma that came with it, she summed it up as ‘these tests were gifts from Allah.’

Without the help of Allaah and Solace, Asiyah may never have found her way back to Islam again, and would have jeopardised the future if her four children as well as herself. Your donations go a long way in supporting sisters like Asiyah, who need help.

Your donations go a long way in supporting sisters like Asiyah, who are experiencing domestic violence and need help.

You can give them solace this Ramadan, by doing the following:

Be their solace this Ramadan. Support our revert sisters in difficulty: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This revert story was written by Hanaa.

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Lisa’s Love Story

They met at Uni. Lisa was staying at a friend’s place when Danyal appeared one night with Lisa’s brother for a friday night pizza. They clicked immediately – his warm brown eyes, dark hair, and flashing smile made him irresistible. She was flattered in his interest and found herself spending more time at her friend’s place in order to see him, where he entertained her with lively discussions on every topic under the sun.

It was during one of those discussions that Lisa learned that Danyal was a Muslim, that he believed in a God. She hadn't really met many religious people before, and certainly not a Muslim- the only people she knew who were Muslim were some girls who wore a hijab in some of her lectures and some people on TV. So, she was intrigued, she wanted to know more. What do Muslims really believe? Do you have to be a certain ethnicity or race? The discussions lasted hours into the night, as Danyal responded warmly and enthusiastically to her questions. He was encouraging and warm, and most importantly was patient with her misunderstandings.

Along with her understanding of Islam and respect for Muslims, Lisa’s attachment to Danyal grew. The more she learnt of Islam’s values, the more she appreciated the man who bore this message; the more she felt like Islam was the truth, that the Qur’an was the unaltered Word of God Himself. Islam was the path of truth, and Danyal was her guide – it seemed that Danyal felt the same attachment as their relationship grew closer, until he spent most of his nights with her as well as his days.

After her shahada, Danyal encouraged Lisa to find out more about Islam herself, to develop her relationship with God independently. It was during her independent searches that she realized something was wrong – men and women were not allowed to have an intimate relationship outside of marriage, it was something hated by God. That was the last thing she wanted – to begin her journey to God by doing something prohibited. She was fraught with worry and anxiety – how could they make up for this sin? They must stop and get married immediately, she thought to herself, and smiled inwardly at the surprising joyous leap her heart gave at the thought! Marrying Danyal! She couldn't wait to tell him!

Danyal didn’t respond with the enthusiasm she had expected. In fact, he seemed strangely reticent. He gave excuses – “it's ok, if you didn’t know, it’s not counted as a sin” he would say in his soothing voice.

“Yes, I hope so, Insha'Allah” Lisa would reply, “but I know NOW, so we have to stop.”

“I haven't finished studying... I don’t have the means to support you... a man is supposed to support his wife...I need a job...my family won’t allow it, they are traditional...” the excuses went on while he tried to maintain their relationship status quo.

Lisa felt conflicted – she loved Danyal, she loved spending time with him. She loved Allah and had fully embraced Islam as her way of life going forward. Danyal was her guide on this journey though, wasn’t he? She couldn’t imagine going forward without him. He was a good Muslim, wasn't he? Then why didn’t he seemed bothered about their relationship being haram in the sight of God? Why didn’t he want to marry her as much as she wanted to marry him? If he was not authentic, could his message still be trusted to be authentic? If she didn’t believe his personal promises, could she believe what he had taught her about Islam?

Lisa began to doubt everything in her life from the moment she had met Danyal. Had all her decisions been based on her attraction to him? She couldn’t understand how a man who had guided her to something so beautiful could cause her so much pain and doubt. She tried to bring it up with some of the “sisters” she had met at Uni, but she felt a bit shy- she didn’t really know them that well, and she didn’t want them to think badly of her, but she desperately wanted to talk to someone and get some perspective. She wanted some guidance and help. She couldn’t see a life in Islam without him, but she wasn’t sure she could continue with him the way he was.

Then a sister told her she was doing a sponsored Bike Ride for a charity called Solace. “What do they do?” Lisa had asked.

“They help reverts like you when they need support and when they don’t have family to help them.”

Lisa couldn’t believe her ears. That very day she had made a crying heartfelt duaa to Allaah after Fajr prayer that He help her and guide her to the right way, that He show her how to move forward, and now this random sister was telling her about this charity that specialized in helping reverts! She googled Solace as soon as she was alone, and called them that very day, pouring out her entire heart and every doubt that plagued her thoughts.

The support that Solace provided helped Lisa to move beyond her relationship with Danyal, she learned to appreciate his input and his part in her journey to Islam, whilst acknowledging that just because he helped her start her journey, he didn’t necessarily have to be a part of it forever. Her weekly meetings with her support worker were always at the coffee shop near the local masjid, where they would pray together, to give Lisa the added boost and confidence of feeling part of her local community. Slowly, Lisa built her own relationship with Allaah, started to wear the hijab, learned to read the Quran, and even had support in her journey to tell her family about her conversion.

Solace helps revert sisters like Lisa, who don’t have the support they need.

Be their solace this Ramadan. Support revert sisters in difficulty: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Romina.

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Orphaned By Accepting Islam

This is Preeti’s story.

‘I can’t even look at you anymore!’ Preeti’s face crumbled at these words. Was that really her father? Her beloved father who she had only ever known as gentle and loving. She recalled that time when the family visited the lavender fields and as they walked through the sunflowers on the other side, she felt safe from the bees because her father was there.

Her father, her protector.

She had imagined it would be difficult telling her family about her reversion to Islam but the hatred……that was something she could not bear. Enclosed in her room with no one to talk to, she was alienated and isolated. There was nothing to keep her there but where else could she go? Her mother, she could tell, was trying to harden her heart but Preeti would catch the softness melting her facial expressions when she saw her daughter deteriorate. ‘If you just renounce this…. this Islam thing we could go back to normal’ her would plead

But how could she renounce Islam, knowing what she knew…..’And He found you lost and Guided you’ that was all she knew now, that was her only truth now.

The final blow came when her dad threatened to cut her off completely, with no finance, no support and when he egged on the behaviour of her brother towards her: the name calling, the degradation, on occasion, even the beatings. She would call out to Allah in these times, in her desperation, but the wounds became bigger and the emotional torture unbearable.When she reached out to a cousin, it took a turn for the worse, as news of her conversion and the ensuing shame it brough on her family spread.

‘HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?’ Her father bellowed. She had never seen him like this, at least not with her. ‘You want to make a mockery out of me? In front of my family, my community??? I will never allow it!’

Preeti sobbed into her pillow that night waiting for sleep to come but all that came were doubts. Where were the Muslim brothers and sisters I was told of? Who was going to save me? Did I do the right thing?

‘Sister, if I could just run through your application then we can get you the right help.’ She was pulled out of the trance at the voice of her Solace support worker. Preeti had seen a discarded pamphlet in the city centre Masjid where she was thrown from the car told never to even look back in the direction of ‘home.’ It was a bright orange with a logo and writing, yet all she could see was one word – the thing she had been craving all along: solace. She broke down right there on the pavement at this little ray of hope offered to her on the ground she walked on a gloomy cloudy morning.

Her support worker had been a shoulder to cry on and an ear to be heard; to be heard after months of being spoken to. The vomit of abuse had now turned into bile churning within her, destroying not only everything she believed about herself, but insidiously planting doubts about Allah.

It was over a year after discovering that pamphlet that she finally plucked up the courage to contact Solace. She had turned to her friends and some Muslim acquaintances who, at first, were so keen on helping her but once the novelty wore off, even the sofa became Goldust for them. It was at this point she realised that she needed help, she turned to Allah in her desperation, asking Him that just as He guided her when she was lost before, that He guide her to the door that was best for her now.

Solace became the answer to her prayers, they provided her with the emotional and spiritual support that she was in desperate need of. Her support worker helped her to look past her hardships and see the lessons which would empower her. By rebuilding her confidence and reconnecting with who she was, she ventured into the jobmarket with renewed sense of purpose.

After Preeti went for a promising job interview and was offered the job, she felt ready to face the world, still as Preeti, but with an unwavering faith in Allah. Through implementing the spiritual practices, she had learned, she became aware that mountains were climbed not carried, and she started to rebuild her life. Preeti acquired an apartment to rent but still yearned for her mother’s delectable daal and basmati rice, as the pain of separation would wage war on her heart from time to time, but she kept turning those pangs into heartfelt duaas that her mother could once more be a part of her life.

One night she mustered up the courage built over the last couple of years, to call her parent’s home.

‘Hello……..Hello….who is this?’ then the phone went dead. Hearing her father’s voice after so long caught her off guard, she didn’t expect that her tongue would abandon her like so and her limbs would freeze as if the Arctic took up space in her apartment. She thought to leave it a few days then try again, but she knew that she was avoiding confrontation and so she picked up the phone once more, with a little more trepidation but stayed firm in her intention. She whispered a silent prayer and dialled once more.

‘Hello….Hello…..Preeti? Is that you? Her legs gave way and a huge sigh followed by a flood of tears encapsulated Preeti. Memories of her family came in waves over her, the late nights, the karaoke, the movies and the festivals, it all came back. There were so many questions, so much to say, so much to explain but Preeti knew that if she didn’t stand her ground now, all this would have been in vain. It wasn’t easy what she was about to do, the reconnection, the misunderstandings but she was ready to face it all with Allah by her side.

She was always Preeti just following her own journey and no one could take that away from her.

Now she understood that it was, is and always will be Allah Who is her Protector.

Solace helps revert sisters like Preeti, who are abandoned by their families for becoming Muslim, and there are many sisters like Preeti who are abandoned by their families for becoming Muslim.

You can be their solace this Ramadan, by doing the following:

Be their solace this Ramadan. Support revert sisters in difficulty: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Meru Hussain.

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The Slippery Slope of Loneliness

Georg completed her Asr prayer, hearing her phone ping as she said the final salaams.

Emma: See you 2nite@8pm, Duck&Carrot, Simon asking if u coming ;>)

She smiled, then caught her reflection in the mirrored, pale skin contrasting with the black hijab she used for her prayers which were becoming ever more infrequent. She stared back at her grey eyes, shame contracting her heart as she acknowledged the hypocrisy of her life, far from what she intended 5 years ago when she took her Shahada.

She grew up in a small town where there weren’t many people of different ethnicities, and loved meeting people from all different backgrounds at University. She was drawn to the quiet, friendly Hafsa, a Malaysian student in plimsolls and hijab. Over many croissants and coffees, she questioned her about her faith, her hijab, and her polite refusal of nights out. She attended an iftar in the student’s union, and was impressed by these confident, modest young women, but most of all she felt she might have finally found the answer to the yearning that had always been inside her. Slowly she began to find answers in Islam to questions buried deep inside her heart.

She took her Shahada surrounded by smiling friends and strangers, and felt she had found not only her faith but her people. With Hafsa by her side she donned her hijab without difficulty. Visits home were harder, but she spoke to her family and her old friends honestly and openly, and she was confident that with Allah’s help, things would settle down.

She was a long way now from those hopeful days. After Uni, things had started to become more difficult. Hafsa had gone home to Malaysia, and her other Muslim friends dispersed too. The support structure wasn’t there anymore, and while the sisters at the masjid helped her in the beginning, over time it became clear that they were busy with their families.

Friends back home were starting to get married and settle down. Hafsa had married a childhood friend, and they looked so happy in their Facebook photos. Georg wanted that for herself – but how to find someone with no support from a Muslim family? As friendly as the ladies in the mosque were, she knew they didn’t see her as a suitable wife for their brothers and sons. She put a profile on a Muslim marriage site, and got plenty of responses, but it was quantity over quality. She met with one brother in a café in a town between their homes. He was handsome, educated, and said he was active in the Muslim community where he lived. He sounded perfect. He had described himself as divorced. However, it soon became apparent that he was looking for a second wife, and was having problems with the first one due to his violence.

After that, she took her profile down. She still believed in Islam just as much as she did when she took her Shahada, but her loneliness was increasing, and with no way to find a good husband to share her life with, she could see this loneliness stretching out in front of her.

So, it seemed like a good idea to take a job back home. She could be near her family and school friends and would just have to practice Islam by herself. It felt good to reconnect to her old friends and family, but problems soon started to show. She no longer wanted to do the same things, and go to the same places, so she found it hard to have any sort of social life. She found the address of a masjid in the nearest town, but arriving for Juma prayer one Friday, she was told they didn’t have a space for women. She prayed next to her car in the car park and drove home.

Slowly, she started to make compromises. A turning point was her Dad’s 50^th birthday party in a local pub. She didn’t feel like she could say no, but it was in a pub. She couldn’t go in her hijab.

The night of the party, she told herself hijab was just the cherry on top, modesty was more than that. She wore a high necked, long sleeved maxi dress. She sat with some cousins she’d not seen for years. The table was set for dinner with wine glasses, and they filled hers up. She glanced and glanced away. Perhaps just one would be OK? It might help her to relax a bit, and it wasn’t like she was going to get drunk or anything.

After that night, it all became easier. The hijab never quite made its way back on, the necklines got lower, long skirts were replaced with jeans. Without the hijab, other people’s expectations changed.

One drink turned to two, and it became normal. Then one night, she met Simon, Emma’s work colleague. Lovely smile. Bright blue eyes. Not a creep. She made an excuse when he asked for her number – she knew it couldn’t go anywhere. As much of a hypocrite as she had become, she still believed, and wanted to be with a Muslim.

But she would see him again tonight. Her stomach skipped when he walked in, and he smiled that lovely smile. At the end of the evening, he invited her back to his. She excused herself and stepped outside into the cool night. She could fall into the arms of this lovely man, but where would she end up? She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the words that would save her:

La illaha illallah, muhammadan rasulullah.

If she knew nothing else, she knew that. She walked away without looking back. She didn’t go home to her flat, she walked and walked, tears rolling down her cheeks. She thought about all she hoped for when she became a Muslim, and how far away that seemed now. She had failed in her promise, failed Allah and his messenger. Surely it would be better, and more respectful to leave Islam? Leave it to those who had the strength that she clearly didn’t have.

She found herself in the park, with the sky lightening around her, exhausted. The words came to her of one of the surah’s she had learnt:

“By the light of daybreak and by the still of night,

Your Lord has not left you nor is he angry,

Your future is brighter than your present time,

Because your Lord will soon grant you what you really want and you will be happy”

The words soothed her heart, and she knew she had to give this one last try. She went home and googled ‘help for reverts’. There on the list was ‘Solace – for revert sisters in difficulty’. Maybe this was for people who were in real difficulty, like financial or being abused? Not just for someone like her who was too weak to be a Muslim. But she’d reached a cross roads. She filled out a form, giving sketchy details - loneliness might be easy enough to understand, but drinking? She couldn’t imagine any Muslim giving her much sympathy for that.

A sister called her the next day. She seemed so kind that Georg in the end told her everything, both how she was feeling, and how far away she’d gone from Islam in her life – even her thoughts that it would be better if she wasn’t Muslim anymore.

‘Allah’s forgiveness in greater than your sins’, the sister said. They assigned her a support worker, who was a revert, like her. The weekly sessions were a way back, and helped her move away from her other coping strategies, like drinking. Her support worker helped her to identify how, early on in her Islam, she had relied a lot on the support system around her, but maybe not concentrated enough on developing her own faith and practice. Being isolated from other Muslims was hard, but an opportunity to develop this. It was a long way back – but she had made a start, and as she felt her faith re-growing she found it easier to set boundaries with her family and friends, and reach out to the Muslim community further afield.

How do you feel when you meet a revert sister? Do you think about how hard it must be to practice Islam when your family love you, but don’t understand? About how vulnerable a revert sister is when looking for a husband with no family to back her up? Do you judge her for what she can’t do, while overlooking the sacrifices she has made?

In this blessed month, we ask for your duas for revert sisters, who may be breaking the fast every night alone. And if you are able to contribute financially, you would be helping people like Georg to stay on the right track.

You can be their solace this Ramadan, by doing the following:

Be their solace this Ramadan. Support revert sisters in difficulty: givesolace.uk/behersolace

The Revert Stories are in aid of Solace UK’s “Be Her Solace” campaign, which are 8 simple ways you can give our revert sisters solace in Ramadan.

Disclaimer: These stories are derived from multiple real stories to depict real-life events and circumstances experienced by revert sisters. While the stories are based on real-life events, none of the stories belong or refer to one particular person. Full anonymity and confidentiality has been upheld in the writing of Revert Stories. Solace takes the privacy of its service users seriously. All names, characters, locations and events have been changed.

This Revert Story was written by Kate.

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