The Battle of Belief vs. The Grey Cloud

By Hadil Arman

Bismillahi Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem

Anxiety has no barrier. Anxiety has no shame.
Situations, whatever they may be, can be a powerful tool for the internal battle some of us face. They play for us or against us. They put us down or raise us. Allow us to wake up, or push us further into sleep. There are some that leave us taken aback. Some that leave us with questions and no direct answers. Some that we were not expecting. Some that we did not want to be in.

All of them play into the internal conversations we have. It only takes a split second for the heart to start the process of an internal cycle of commentary.  As delicate as it is, it continues beating. Faster and faster. Your organs are no longer in auto mode and you feel it encroaching everywhere. The turning in your stomach. The tightening in your chest. The lump in your throat. The shake in your hands. The heat or cold on your skin. It all matters. It all has a conscious purpose now. They are part of the conversation. The grey cloud hovering over you becomes the uninvited associate, the toxic company we just can’t quite be rid of. The familiar feelings we know all too well creep up on us, while we recognize and dread them at the same.  And yet, they still have the same effect. Every single time.
Anxiety has no barrier. Anxiety has no shame.

This is where belief  takes an active part. What is belief? What does it mean to believe? It is the acceptance that something is true. What does it mean for us? It means to believe from our core in the pillars of Imaan (faith); belief in Allah, His angels, His books, His Messengers, The Last Day, and the Divine Decree, both good and bad. Believing in it all, totally.

So really take a step back and digest that, and believe Him when you hear revelation that fits your situation. That is a necessity in order for you to survive these situations in the unique way Allah made YOU able to. In the unique way He equipped YOU.

Losing the Battle.

Feel your emotions. Guilt-free. Allow yourself to come to terms with what you are faced. Do not ignore them and do not side line them. It’s okay to not like the situation and it’s okay that it is not ideal. But just give yourself time and do not feel guilty with the emotions you are faced throughout. Accept the emotions for what they are. Hurt, sadness, anger, disappointment, brokenness, fear. Accept them and feel them- Just do not let them control you. These emotions are not what makes you. They are there, fulfilling a purpose, just like every other thing in this world. Allow them to fulfil that purpose with a barrier. Cry. Cry. And cry again.

“There is no slave who, when he is stricken by anxiety and sorrow, says
(O Allaah, I am Your slave, son of Your slave, son of Your maidservant; my forelock is in Your hand, Your command over me is forever executed and Your decree over me is just. I ask You by every name belonging to You which You have named Yourself with, or revealed in Your Book, or You taught to any of Your creation, or You have preserved in the knowledge of the Unseen with You, that You make the Qur’aan the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety),’ – but Allaah will remove his sorrow and replace his grief with joy.” The people said: “O Messenger of Allaah, we should learn these words.” He said: “The one hears them should learn them.” (Imaam Ahmad reported from ‘Abdullah ibn Mas‘ood.)

Believe Him.

Say it out loud. Sit and exhale, slowly. Sit and allow your breathing to lead and calm the rest of your body, to sit and be in charge, to sit and let the unapologetic tears speak. Allah Hears. Allah Sees. Allah understands every single tear. He understands the fear. He is Al Baseer, The All-Seeing. He is Al Aleem, The All-Knowing. The moment you decide to turn to Him during the process; however small the turn is, THAT is belief. You are paving a way for belief to win. You are gathering your thoughts, hopes, desires and needs and you are handing it over to Allah. However slowly, you are still doing it. You are believing Him.

 

The Outcome.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried.” Narrated and classed as saheeh by al-Tirmidhi (2516), from the hadeeth of Ibn ‘Abbaas.

Look into the distance. What control do we really have over any outcome? The outcome is there, the ending is there. Whatever we do, the outcome will be the same. The pens have been lifted. We must get through the process as smoothly as we can. Allah knows you. He knows what you can bear with. You are equipped with everything you need for your situation, if only you dig a little deeper.

‘Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…’ (Surah Baqarah; 286).

 Believe Him.

‘No calamity occurs on earth nor in yourselves but it is inscribed in the Book of Decrees before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah.
In order that you may not grieve at the things over that you fail to get, nor rejoice over that which has been given to you. And Allah likes not prideful boasters.’
(Surah Hadid; 22 – 23).

Believe Him.

 

Winning the War.

The moment you decided to let belief in, you have already started winning. And even then, who said holding onto faith was going to be easy? You need to nourish your relationship with belief. Making it stronger and stronger. Really believing in yourself and in what Allah has equipped you with to be able to control your internal conversations through every situation thrown your way. How freeing is it, when you hand your worries over to Allah? When you hand over your nightmares for Him to handle? There was a time when you did that. For some, through reversion. For others, the feeling of being reborn into faith. You felt the weight lift off of your shoulders. Which is why you are reading this right here and right now. Start somewhere. You already have the belief, you have already started winning the battle, now is the time to start winning the war. 

 

About the author:

Hadil Arman is a lover of reading, learning and deep conversations and thoughts. A UK based mother of two and wife to a revert, she is also a graduate of Sociology and Psychology. She hopes to be part of the growing change in mental wellbeing in our community.

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